“Keep changing, you idiot.”
Home Alone is one of the greatest Christmas movies ever made, and if it were a British movie, it would probably look a bit like this…
Emma Thompson and Colin Firth were to be cast as Kate and Peter McAllister.
Young Kevin would have played Thomas Brody-Sangster.
The McAllister couple will still be flying to Paris to spend Christmas with their families, but they will be traveling with Ryanair, not American Airlines.
The Wet Bandits, Harry and Marv, will probably be called Gary and Keith instead and they will have very strong Cockney accents.
When Kevin asks his brothers to help pack his bag, they take turns insulting him, calling him handle-headed, idiot, odorless and, of course, “what the incompetent French call.”
After discovering Old Man Marley holding papers outside, Buzz explains that there is a rumor that he killed his entire family with his torch and hid their bodies in compost bins.
Instead of pizza they would order fish and chips the night before they traveled but Buzz was eating regular Kevin chips – the only part without Salt and vinegar.
Buzz was also teasing Kevin that he would have to share the bed with Fuller who always wets the bed. Although Fuller wouldn’t drink Pepsi, he was drinking a bottle of Lucozad.
Out of anger, Kevin pushes Buzz against the kitchen table and accidentally spills tea in all of their passports and boarding passes.
Uncle Frank calls Kevin a prick for making a mess and his mom tells him to stop wrapping everyone up before sending him to the attic alone.
After an electrical failure, the McAllisters’ alarms did not go off in the morning, and they were getting up very late for their flight. They were rushing around the house in a panic before making their way to Heathrow.
The older cousin will mistakenly include the neighbor’s child in the staff account before they all board the Addison Lee taxis and make their way to the airport.
And thanks to a slight delay in their Ryanair flight (shock), they’ll arrive just in time.
Feeling she had left something behind, Kate ordered a pint of beer on the plane to calm her nerves. You will then go through all the possible things that you could have forgotten and eventually realize that they left Kevin at home!
Kevin comes to the conclusion that he made his family disappear and that he’s going to celebrate by eating all his Wagon Wheels, Chocolate Digestives, and Jimmy Dodgers at home.
Next, he’d go through dirty Buzz magazines, steal his money, and break into his Lynx Africa group.
Instead of singing along to the White Christmas song while doing his classic after-shower routine, Kevin would sing along to his best Christmas song – “The Fairytale of New York”.
Kevin will then order a large portion of chips without salt or vinegar from the local chippy, and scare the deliveryman with an intense scene of Angels with dirty souls.
He would drop Tenner out of the letterbox for him and play the most famous line from the gangster movie – “Keep the change, you idiot”.
After getting caught up in Old Man Marley in a convenience store and out of fear of bullshit, Kevin would leave without paying for a toothbrush. He’ll end up being chased by a police officer – but it’s normal for it to rain and the officer will slip before he can stop him.
In an attempt to scare the burglars after realizing he was home alone, Kevin was organizing a fake holiday party, complete with a cardboard cutout for Wayne Rooney attached to a train set.
After airport staff told them they had no seats left on any flight back to the UK, Peter suggested that Eurostar be brought back to London within two days.
Kate was refusing to wait that long and would instead try to bribe an elderly couple into giving her their plane tickets in exchange for her watch, jewelry, and afternoon tea tickets. Unfortunately, they refused her offer.
Fortunately, the lead singer of one of the tribute bands Oasis will offer to help.
He would invite Kate back from France to England on their tour bus as long as she didn’t mind practicing along the way.
After running out of necessities, Kevin went to Tesco to do his grocery shopping and was using his mom’s Clubcard, because every little bit helps.
Instead of macaroni and cheese, he would heat up sausage and mash before defending his home against wet thieves.
The thieves eventually take control of Kevin and threaten to torture him, but old man Marley will save the day by hitting them on the head with a torch and calling the police.
Kate was arriving home on Christmas morning and apologizing to Kevin for leaving him behind, and moments later the rest of the family were walking through the door after the Eurostar arrived in London!